Stars may always guide our way, From desert sands where winds blow harsh and long: Not sure where to begin...

As you well have noticed - I've not been active here for a quite amount of time. The reason is simple - I am, and have been since september/october been suffering from a depression.

For you who do not know how it feels like, try to imagine to numb all the positive feelings you have inside. Shut them off - they just do not exist. Instead you just feel some sort of exhausted meaninglessness and a strong conviction that nothing, NOTHING, realy mathers. You know you have to do things, but just the thought of it makes you want to go and hide. A simple task like brushing your hair feels like a mountain to climb. Your limbs full of led and every single step you need to take feels like running a marathon.

So I just shut down. Tried to focus on my education and just surviving. The horses got a long autumn break and I convinced myself that they did just fine in thier big paddock at about 4 acres of forrest land. They did, but it slowed off the development with Franz especially.

I think I know the reasons behind this, it is partly stress, partly post trauma and partly hormonial. At the moment I am just dreaming of a night with good and soothing sleep and to wake up and feel happy and content, without that hollow and empty, heavy feeling in my body and soul.

I am only 25, but I feel like I am over 80 years old.

To change subject, the horses are now in their winter quarters. The enjoy it, and I love to have them outside my window. Franz has backed a few steps since I moved them - he seemed to find it stressfull and I've not been able to start to train him regularly again.

On good days I've started to do some small work with Divino, mainly some preparing exercises for the piaffe wich I think will help him develop conciousness and balance in his body. My plan is to start to go out on walks with him again - he has filled up and his body seems ready for some light work so I am planning on start to ride him in a couple of weeks.

Eddie is just growing. He has soon outgrown his halter - and it was so big on him when he arrived. But I will, as soon as I find energy and inspiration, start to prepare him to be a driving horse. He is about the right age to start, and I love to drive, so I hope he will enjoy that to.

Q is looking pretty good actually, I had a small ride on him the other day and he enjoyed that very much. Almost so much that he forgot how to walk, instead he gave me a wonderfully soft trott, I had to slow him down, afraid that he would be in pain the day after. But that small ride was extremely needed - for both him and me.

I have a plan for Franz - but he is actually the horse that takes the most energy so for my own sake - I have decided just to let him be at the moment, hoping to find strength to start the training again during christmas hollidays.

And now for some pictures that I've not shown:

Just before my depression got really bad, I had a visit from two great photographers, Jennifer and Marleen.

The pictures in this post are all taken by Marleen - Jennifer has not shown me so many yet,

This little guy - he really puts me to the test. But he is the sweetest.

Divino was such an ass actually - he run away and was way to busy to explore and in those times - he really enjoys playing hard to get. He is always the first one in the field otherwise.